pontefract (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} pontefract) wrote,@ 2009-01-31 23:26:00 |
|
The A-Team
A blog entry reproducing a comment thread on Facebook:
--
"Director Ridley Scott has signed up to produce the big screen remake of 1980s TV show The A-Team, according to industry paper Variety."
Anne Brooks Butcher
So, any suggestions for casting? My ideas are
Hannibal: George Clooney
Face: Brad Pitt? or any other pretty actor really
Murdock: Ben Stiller
BA: Ving Rhames
--
*cue comments from others about potential casting, until...*
--
Paul Simpson at 15:39, on 30 January.
There's no point trying to recreate old glories. I'm a huge A-Team fan, and it's low-budget, simplistic, 80s-militaristic combo of a washed-up alcoholic Hollywood has-been, bit-part TV star, Broadway thesp and ex-nightclub doorman in a stripy van with guns and welding torches remains inimitable.
With all that in mind, I'd go for an avant-garde reboot of the franchise:
Hannibal: Morgan Freeman
Face: Megan Fox
Howling Mad: Jon LaJoie (Google him)
BA: That bloke who played Mr. Eko in 'Lost'
The above inhabit the present-day LA underground defending those who the law fail by killing those who antagonise them. With guns - Very Big Guns. And nukes, which they make in a grim deserted industrial unit from parts bought on the Russian black market. And Murdoch has an actual degrading mental condition which, far from making him a light comic relief, makes him a total ****ing psycho who's dangerous to be anywhere near without wearing body armour. And Face is a sex addict with drug problems. And Mr. T isn't afraid of planes, he throws people out of them. 'Cause his milk has been drugged so many times by the others to overcome his phobia he's developed a severe personality disorder and constatly refers to himself in the third person as "that crazy foo'".
And Hannibal is gay.
--
Mark Harris at 15:48, on 30 January.
Seems about right... but Gay and VERY PC
--
Paul Simpson at 16:03, on 30 January.
Gay and very PC? K. How about...
Hannibal: Henry Rollins
Face: Henry Rollins
Howling Mad: Henry Rollins in a blue baseball cap
BA: Henry Rollins in full Minstrel blackface make-up
The A-Team traverse the LA underground punishing wrong-doers by raping them. In the ear. And the navel. With guns. That are on fire.
The film consists of 20 grisly eye-watering and plot-free minutes of the above, then inexplicably ends when everything - Earth, the Sun and the whole flippin' Solar System, the lot - explodes in slow-motion killing everyone, including God.
--
Paul Simpson at 16:05, on 30 January.
Man, I'm bored.
--
Anne Brooks Butcher at 17:22, on 30 January.
Paul, there's something very wrong with you today. Go outside, get some fresh air, maybe have a walk in a nice leafy green environment. You'll feel much better I'm sure.
--
Paul Simpson at 17:30, on 30 January.
I think I've been reading too much Warren Ellis.
A blog entry reproducing a comment thread on Facebook:
--
"Director Ridley Scott has signed up to produce the big screen remake of 1980s TV show The A-Team, according to industry paper Variety."
Anne Brooks Butcher
So, any suggestions for casting? My ideas are
Hannibal: George Clooney
Face: Brad Pitt? or any other pretty actor really
Murdock: Ben Stiller
BA: Ving Rhames
--
*cue comments from others about potential casting, until...*
--
Paul Simpson at 15:39, on 30 January.
There's no point trying to recreate old glories. I'm a huge A-Team fan, and it's low-budget, simplistic, 80s-militaristic combo of a washed-up alcoholic Hollywood has-been, bit-part TV star, Broadway thesp and ex-nightclub doorman in a stripy van with guns and welding torches remains inimitable.
With all that in mind, I'd go for an avant-garde reboot of the franchise:
Hannibal: Morgan Freeman
Face: Megan Fox
Howling Mad: Jon LaJoie (Google him)
BA: That bloke who played Mr. Eko in 'Lost'
The above inhabit the present-day LA underground defending those who the law fail by killing those who antagonise them. With guns - Very Big Guns. And nukes, which they make in a grim deserted industrial unit from parts bought on the Russian black market. And Murdoch has an actual degrading mental condition which, far from making him a light comic relief, makes him a total ****ing psycho who's dangerous to be anywhere near without wearing body armour. And Face is a sex addict with drug problems. And Mr. T isn't afraid of planes, he throws people out of them. 'Cause his milk has been drugged so many times by the others to overcome his phobia he's developed a severe personality disorder and constatly refers to himself in the third person as "that crazy foo'".
And Hannibal is gay.
--
Mark Harris at 15:48, on 30 January.
Seems about right... but Gay and VERY PC
--
Paul Simpson at 16:03, on 30 January.
Gay and very PC? K. How about...
Hannibal: Henry Rollins
Face: Henry Rollins
Howling Mad: Henry Rollins in a blue baseball cap
BA: Henry Rollins in full Minstrel blackface make-up
The A-Team traverse the LA underground punishing wrong-doers by raping them. In the ear. And the navel. With guns. That are on fire.
The film consists of 20 grisly eye-watering and plot-free minutes of the above, then inexplicably ends when everything - Earth, the Sun and the whole flippin' Solar System, the lot - explodes in slow-motion killing everyone, including God.
--
Paul Simpson at 16:05, on 30 January.
Man, I'm bored.
--
Anne Brooks Butcher at 17:22, on 30 January.
Paul, there's something very wrong with you today. Go outside, get some fresh air, maybe have a walk in a nice leafy green environment. You'll feel much better I'm sure.
--
Paul Simpson at 17:30, on 30 January.
I think I've been reading too much Warren Ellis.
